bordering insanity

for exaple if consumer pessimism reduces aggregate demand, the proper amount of expansionary monetary or fiscal policy could stimulate aggregate demand to its original level. thereby avoiding a recession. alternatively, i couldnt give a fuck because economics is eating at my brain like a fucking parasite and its 5 am and I'm going to walk into my exam at 8 without a second of sleep still all fucking adderalled out and redeyed and lifeless so i can fucking circle 25 stupid little letters get my passing grade and live an ignorant life free of any economic concern for the rest of my life. i swear to fucking god.

anyway, at least i will be able to sleep through a fucking plane ride for the first time in my fucking life.

but. first thing i do at 9:30 when i get walk out of that insane asylum of a "classroom" is smoking a fucking blunt. 

until then.

"There's something deeply wrong with me if I'm so attracted to someone who can't have a relationship. Someone who can't love me, who can't even love himself.  I've learned at this point there's no shot I can recieve, no pill I can take, no therapy I can be a part of that will give me the resolve to do things I need to be loved. It's a choice. A simple choice. I say I want intimacy. I say I want to be loved. But really, I'm petrified. The straight truth is, I don't know if I have it in me, and I'm scared to find out that I can't."

don't stop til ya get eM in dey birfday suitz

happy birthday, my meechelle. 

Finals are sucking the life out of me. I finally got to sleep a little last night. Now, I have to go babysit and then drill economics and geology into my brain. But, I am going to be in New York City Saturday so at least I have that and being home ahead of me. Going to see Bon Iver Monday, that's pretty exciting. I still wish I weren't going with the person I'm going with. And if he pulls what he did last year I swear to God.....

I really have nothing interesting going on or on my mind so I will continue updating on the pointless occurances that happen in my everyday life.

LAUREN i cant wait to see you. (ahem hgb dance party)

ps. i Hate what the uploading process does to my images :(

fuckfuuuckfucjkfcuk

its 4:30 in the morning and im still fucking awake. sleeeeeep. i want it. probably wont be sleeping til after work tomorr...er..today... after which i will only ACTUALLY have time to study more for the REST of my exams. i honestly hope who ever decided it was acceptable to schedule finals all in the same 5 day bracket of time died a slow painful death.

& my hands hurt from writing.

so excited for home....

in love

all i want for christmas is one of these precious babies. who turn out like thiiiiiis.

But in reality, I will just wait impatiently a few more years till I am actually ready to maintain such a dog. Oh my good so beautiful and sweet and cute and fluffy.... i need it.

we are standing on the precipice...

http://www.theoneswelove.org/photographers.html

cant leave it alone. 

sidenote: my whole body hurts and my brain is throbbing i worked out so hard today. fucck. this decision to drink beer isn't agreeing with my body quite the way id like it to.

omgz, home in a week and two days, surreal. i'm very interested to see how those 5 weeks will play out.

theologians

+London for spring break.

+Copenhagen spring semester junior year.

+a month and a half of sleeping my life away til i decide its absolutely crucial to move from my bed.

these prospects are what are getting me by. 

Lately Ive been thinking so much about the fact that I dont want to finish college. I want to explore every continent on this planet. I want go speak every language in every country i cross through. I want to bring the minimum with me from my life i know. I want to learn to navigate the mountains of South America and the open fields of Africa and the flatlands of Asia and swim in the crystal shores of New Zealand and Australia. I want to jump off cliffs and soar down waterfalls of insane heights. I want to experience all the lands enriched with ancient beautiful art.  I want to literally drop everything. Everything here and now so that noone knows what's happened, except enough that Im okay. I want to do this with one person, one person who needs it like me, worse than me. So they can stop being numb. Awake their soul. I want to wake their soul. I want to see him unattached. Finally open. 

Determination.

currently playing: Wilco- Shes a Jar