i realized it had become an issue when..

so dylan kissed me on valentines day.. yes it was very drunken and undoubtably meant nothing more to him than it did me, but reguardless, it was someone ive had attraction towards for over a year.... and when i woke up in the morning and realized, that i still had managed to be texting kevin by the end of the night (430 am zehh) ..... this has become something huger than i thought and something i need to get control of before anything in my life can look up. that is that. it must be done on my own, and without the hopes that some other boy coming along and fixing it by sweeping me off my feet. i have to let go once and for all.

but, i am feeling less depressed than i had the past few weeks, cool? i guess. ive picked up smoking again. what the hell.