I don't want to go back to Texas.

What am I doing with my life?

I feel cheated that I have no clue.

Like I am entitled to something so...

that should be so...natural. Yet...I just

do not know

I wish youd grow up
And take the lines from your face
Age so sweet and replace
It’s the sound that I want
It’s the low, belting cough
It’s the size of my heart
It’s a house can we start

I just saw revolutionary road. I would probably go so far as to say that movie was life changing. In the way that it really makes me think hard about the kind of person I am and who i will/want to marry.  And how much that shapes your life.

I can't stop thinking about my future. Its terrifying. I think if i weren't so set on the stupid ideal thought of "love" I'd be more easily able to wrap myself around school and productivity which is nowhere near it should be. Its not hard to be this way though when you feel like the only person you know who hasn't been able to really (fully) experience it yet.

I don't know if i want to/should be going back to texas next week. I have probably 12 hours to decide though before the choice goes away.

Hey: Rest of the world!

I am really really in love with Merriweather Post Pavillion too! its just great.

intervention

he is getting home tomorrow. he has school monday. he won't call. i know its selfish to want from him what i do, him being in his mental state that he is but i cannot help myself, sleeping alone just isn't easy to settle for anymore. fuck...and it had been so long. it felt so right, and natural, and comfortable. but in retrospect i'm realizing it was probably last thing i should have done.

:]

I am like a giddy little child. I bought this today for a ridiculous amount of money but it smells so fucking amazing and that sadly makes me...ridiculously happy.

"you might have thought there was nothing new to say about spending your twenties in New Jersey overeducated and underwhelmed"

So its a New Year. Its crazy how January 1st 2008 felt like it was a week before January 1st 2009. I spent it with basically the same people, after a failed attempt to branch otherwise. I was not nearly intoxicated enough, and momentarily thought it was my 2450th miserable consecutive turn out of NYE. But the night wasn't lost after the ball dropped.

I went to stay with Kevin, the person i had tried to hard to avoid the whole evening. Figures. There is something about laying there with him and feeling his heart pound with my ear to his chest and our conversations and subtle affection for one another that I just cannot keep myself away from him.

I just don't know what will ever come of it.

Resolutions: keep cigarettes out of my life.

get myself out of the position i'm at with my education.

-still thinking about this one.