I found a fatal flaw in the logic of love

YOU LOVE A SINKIN STONE THAT WILL NEVER ELOPE SO GET USED TO THE LONESOME GIRL.

(picture: ca. '04) 

sooooo nostalgic

also, fuck christmas and poordom

get eaten by the wolves, and weird fishes

there were 2 more people sleeping in my bed than were welcome last night. now that i have my room again i cant sleep. thanksgiving weekend is winding down. i cant believe how fast the past 5 days have gone by. i have seen so many people and had so many laughs. now, just need to stay focused for one more week of class, and then a few finals (that i need to do....really well on.) 

so after framaliz and i saw milk last night at the angelika, sabrina scooped me and we went to clints where i saw alot of my dallas friends. steph was real fucked up, theres something about me that is really intolerable of peoples obnoxious drunken stages unless im right there with them. i feel kind of like a bitch but oh well. we left pretty fast and decided to just waste ourselves away at my apartment with a few other people. the night before, she actually let me (with no choice) drive her car home to rowlett from fort worth. thats one for the books.

they opened the new dunkin donuts by my campus today. marie is in las vegas i dont know whether to just go with out her? it just feels WRONG. hmm...yeah, doin it.

also, i want to make these .... like now!!!

listening to: Bangers and Mash-Radiohead

Milk

I just saw Milk.

Fucking epic.

Must be seen.

Go. Scurry. Do it.

This is the...most loneliest feeling? I am sitting in my room, its 7:00 pm on Tuesday November 25th. All of my friends from school are either in transit or already home for the holidays. But I'm still here, on the other side of the country from my whole family. My mom is in Chicago, with her parents, since my grandpa isn't in the best of health right now. My dad and Cooper are up getting ready to drive to New York to have Thanksgiving with the rest of my family. Yep...here's me...in Dallas. This...fucking sucks, I love my family and I've never not spent Thanksgiving with them. My Dallas friends are all home or almost home but still, I don't exactly feel like I have anywhere to be.

Everyday's an endless stream

of cigarettes and magazines

Each town looks the same to me, the movies and the factories

Every stranger's face i see reminds me that i long to be

homeward bound

Oh i wish i was homeward bound

Home, where my thought's escaping

Home, where my music's playing

Home, where my love lies waiting, silently for me.

rendering me freakish and dazed...

This girl has been my best friend for ever, almost continuously, since I moved to New Jersey at least, at age...12? I have been thinking about her alot lately, I guess knowing I'm going home soon, 3 weeks to the day. I guess that explains why I've been unearthing all these thoughts about all these people from home lately. I am very uncomfortable with the position I'm at with most of the people that once meant everything to me. I haven't spoken to Laura in over 3 months. Its really sad. Its really sad when you watch someone change so much, see it all happening before your eyes, knowing what's happening, with no control of the situation. I've finally accepted that no matter how much it might mean to me, I have to, and have, just let go sometimes. It just sucks when thats happening to all the most important people to you at once. Really all i have left is Gal and Lauren. Gal hates being home anyway. Home is the most important place to me, I love the frustrating, overwhelming congestion of it, the constant nag of living in the same house as my parents, dealing with my little brother (AW), even the dull constant nothingness that Southern New Jersey offers- this is just the most awful feeling losing all the people that helped form my foundation there. I guess its typical me though- ever resistant to change. But I'm going to be 21 in 10 months, moving to Copenhagen in 13, graduating in 2 years. Maybe i just need work on embracing it?

listening to : saves the day (appropriate huh? drowning in nostalgia)

cup your mouth to compress the sound...

I am listening to really old death cab albums right now. I forget that...they were good.

I am also sitting in the Atrium of Meadows (arts building, SMU) waiting for Art History at 11. I hate/love waiting around during these breaks between classes. 

I love art history but I hate these base classes like the one I'm in. I Started with the core, 3000 level courses last year that I loved... now I had to go back and take at least one of these for my minor. Horrible. I nearly fall asleep every class. Its an hour and haaaaalff looooong. Theres so many fucking people in them I cannot possibly feel comfortable entrapped shoulder to shoulder with these stupid sorority/frat girls and guys who already make me sick enough.

Anyway, my make believe Christmas list.... 

Chloe:

1

2

3

4

5

6

Posen

MiuMiu

Derek Lam

Anna Sui (spring line is omgz)

Nixon watch (actually affordable)

Marc by Marc Jacobs watch

Kelly Caleche Hermes Perfume (amazing.)

Madewell leather jacket

All this wishful thinking probably isn't healthy. 

PS. I am still sitting in the Atrium, class started 6 minutes ago. Guess I'm not going. 

Instead I'm meeting Framaliz for lunch :] Kathryn gets in town tomorrow from Mizzou!! And Steph next week! So exciting. Sabrina and I may be venturing down to Austin next weekend.

I need to start saving for Christmas pwesents... look at the adorable charm I'm getting my mom for her bracelet!  Its two peas in a pod. No doubt, there will be tears. I miss her. Its starting to set in that I'm really not going to be with a single family member for Thanksgiving. I guess Sabrinas pretty close...

(now an hour later) Listening to: Mount Eerie Singers album (obsessed)

So I took my exam...I did finally get to studying last night. It took Marie getting me to meet her at Cafe Brazil to do it though...not too much of a chore :]. I think I did alright, I just hate how this professors exams are all essay and there's soooo much material for each test it's just pointless to make us memorize so much science so that we can turn around and forget it. Its just an intro class to cover a science credit but...anyway. When we finished, Kosta and I drove around Highland Park looking for an apartment, since I'm trying to get out of mine for next semester. Saw a few hopefuls... I love living here in such a beautiful area but damn, its so fucking expensive.

...Speaking of expenses, I think I may just actually have a diagnosable problem with spending money (primarily on clothes) : / ... I just spent all my money on a sweater/sweatshirt/jacket from Anthropologie...but it was so soft...and warm...and pretty...I couldn't help myself.

I was inspired by their adorable Christmas ornaments, I want to try to copy and make ones like this for my friends as gifts.

OH! I am reaaally excited about THIS !!!!!

They are playing in Dallas the night before...but this Austin one I dont know...they make it sounds magical...and special. Plus there are people I always look forward to seeing in that fine city. Hopefully the performance will be more impressive/enjoyable than during the summer at Coney Island. More like the first I saw them, *sigh* hah... 

Anyways, I'm off to probably sit at Marie and Kellys and watch a few more discs of the My So Called Life dvd series I religiously rent and re-rent from my schools library. Its such a fucking brilliant piece of broadcast.

listening to: Madeline- Yo La Tengo

afterthoughts

I know how bad-how desperately-I need to be studying for my exam tomorrow right now...yet I cannot pick up the material...and actually engage myself. The desire just isn't there. With other subjects it is. What is that...oh I'm too busy surfing around mindless blogs and websites, oogling over things like this that I am very excited about owning in semi near future.

...Or messing around making volumes one and two of my  Super Extreme Jam-packed Fall Eessentials Compilations. I am sending Gal and Erin their copies hopefully this weekend. I always like sending mail since recieving it is...probably my favorite thing in the world next to cooking. 

Speaking of which, I am so excited, bebe Kathryn and lots of my other Dallas friends are coming in town starting this weekend for their Thanksgiving breaks!! I am so happy I get to see everyone since I'm not going home for the break. I told Kathryn I'm going to cook her up something big and special. I am thinking chicken teriyake and egg drop soup or or or this balsamic grilled chicken and basil/tomato recipe I have with cous cous. And I'm going to attempt zucchini bread tomorrow evening once this test is off my shoulders and I can relax and have fun.

Guess Ill go study...geology. bye.

currently listening to: Wooly Mammoth's Absense- Mount Eerie

try to squeeze a drop of blood, from a sugarcube.

so, there has been something bothering me alot the past couple of days. i just keep finding it on my mind and can't seem to really concentrate on anything else. which is really not convenient because i have a huge geology exam tomorrow i'm nowhere near prepared for but. i thought i had finally escaped it. i thought i finally put it behind me. then i caved. and unleashed the relentless torture upon myself for the umpteenth time. its really ridiculous at this point. thats the only word i can think of for this situation i'm in. it's just... i don't really see why... we are still here...friends... 3 years later. where is this going to be when im 24 or 25. i wouldnt be surprised if we're still stalled at this exact static frustrating threshold. i guess the thing i can't get my mind quite around is how he can look to me for all the things he does, keep contact with basically me alone, act in the contradictory way that he does toward me but still refuse to let himself feel the way any normal 21 year old guy does. any normal 21 year old person* does. allowing yourself to feel is NOT A CRIME.  earth to kevin, just because you are focused on your career and it requires most of your time doesn't mean you have to compromise your entire personal realm. anyone can commit themselves to whatever they so choose. nothing is ever going to change you though. its actually scary to think where youll be when you're 45. I just wish I didnt have this fatal defect of.... caring. fuckkkkkkk

& I almost got into a car accident this morning. 

At least I have my old friend Mr. Daniels to help whisk me away from my petty melodramatic problems!

we don't need no education, we don't need no thought control.

I am having so much fun. Well in general, not this exact moment. Because this exact moment you see, I am crippled in my bed surrounded by a plethora of dirty kleenexes and dirty dishes because all day I have been miserably trying to overcome this sudden plague thats sprung itself upon me. Every time the weather suddenly drastically changes, my body goes into panic mode and... decides to murder itself congestionally. Possbile you ask? YES. 

Anyway, last night turned out surprisingly, very well. I had to babysit on a Saturday so the Gores could go out. I didn't have any real set plans so I didn't mind being there. When they relieved me and doled out my generous compensation at about 11, I headed over to Della's, who's bbq I had left previous to my babysitting session. From there, her Kelly and I went to a party close to her house in UP then to Home Bar. Much dancing, drinking, and merriment ensued. I was tearing up "semi-charmed life" like...earth shattering performance. That photo up there was probably taken somewhere in that time frame. Anyway when we were shooed out at closing time we headed back, then...I was almost arrested again. Long story short, Highland Park cops pwn Medford New Jerseys police force. I am buying my ticket right now for Bon Iver in Philly at Trocadero, I am so excited! I haven't seen a show there in ages. So surreal how fast time flies, I can't believe I'm going home in 3 weeks. I am loving the weather, sick as it may make me. I'm off, I have to get out of my luscious bed and somehow make it to Starbucks to do economics homework. Joy.

currently listening: Hey You- Pink Floyd

I loathe loathe loathe signing up for classes.

Hi, I am Natalie Morgan Tunnard. I felt like writing things down. 

Well, I live in Dallas, Texas and go to school at Southern Methodist University. I am not religious. I love cooking, outside, the cold coldddd weather, home (Philadelphia), my wonderful friends, Copenhagen, camera collecting, getting/sending mail, Good Records, radiohead, road trips, antique shopping/garage sales, collaging, new recipes and Central Market, babysitting bratfaces, that isn't something i love as much as it is something i do to make a living I suppose. I go to school for 'advertising' and while I really appreciate my education I....sort of think college is bogus. Really, I want to one day escape to a remote island and raise a family with a fully equipt kitchen and no government or transportation and a really funny husband. I wish I could write. Instead I ramble. Good to have... introduced myself.

currently listening to Jeff Tweedy:  In A Future Age.