so, there has been something bothering me alot the past couple of days. i just keep finding it on my mind and can't seem to really concentrate on anything else. which is really not convenient because i have a huge geology exam tomorrow i'm nowhere near prepared for but. i thought i had finally escaped it. i thought i finally put it behind me. then i caved. and unleashed the relentless torture upon myself for the umpteenth time. its really ridiculous at this point. thats the only word i can think of for this situation i'm in. it's just... i don't really see why... we are still here...friends... 3 years later. where is this going to be when im 24 or 25. i wouldnt be surprised if we're still stalled at this exact static frustrating threshold. i guess the thing i can't get my mind quite around is how he can look to me for all the things he does, keep contact with basically me alone, act in the contradictory way that he does toward me but still refuse to let himself feel the way any normal 21 year old guy does. any normal 21 year old person* does. allowing yourself to feel is NOT A CRIME. earth to kevin, just because you are focused on your career and it requires most of your time doesn't mean you have to compromise your entire personal realm. anyone can commit themselves to whatever they so choose. nothing is ever going to change you though. its actually scary to think where youll be when you're 45. I just wish I didnt have this fatal defect of.... caring. fuckkkkkkk
& I almost got into a car accident this morning.
At least I have my old friend Mr. Daniels to help whisk me away from my petty melodramatic problems!
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